Every Easter my understanding of the Atonement
changes. Easter is my favorite holiday and this one has been just as extraordinary as any past. I found a new love for my Savior this holy week. I know
that I am a sinner. I know that I sinned, I sin and I will continue to (although
less and less), I think; out of all the people in the world I need the most
forgiveness. I understood better this week what my Savior did for those sins.
He was betrayed (“Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast. And forthwith he came to Jesus,
and said, Hail, Master, and kissed him.”), left alone (“Then all the disciples
forsook Him and fled.”), falsely accused (“For many bare false witness against
him, but their witness agreed not together.” “What think ye? They answer he is
guilty of death.”) spit upon, smote and mocked (“Then they did spit in his face,
and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands, saying
prophecy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?”). He was stripped
and embarrassed. He was crucified (“And they crucified him and set above his
head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS”.) He was
forsaken (“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying,
Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? This is to say, My God My God, why hast thou
forsaken me?”) and all was our cause my cause. It was for my cause. It was for
your cause.
"He is despised and rejected of men; man of
sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and (I) hid as it were (my) face from him;
he was despised and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne (my) griefs and
carried (my) sorrows; yet (I) did esteem him stricken. smitten of God, and
affliction. But he was wounded for (my) transgressions, he was bruised for (my)
iniquities; the chastisement of (my) peace was upon him; And with his stripes (I
AM HEALED)." I know that he suffered for my sins, he took the
blame and the penalty for my errors and choices! He was oppressed for my sake
and he opened not his mouth. Because he loves me. Oh how I love and need him.
This week more than ever. I took blame and harsh
words this week that I've never felt before, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes and
my case is not the same as that of our saviors but I felt just the tiniest bit
of what my Savior felt. He was able to do all that he did because he loves us
and he loves his father. He was able to withstand mocking, spitting and stripes
because he knew he was perfect, innocent and just in His cause. He did it for
his father, He did it for us.
As I passed through my own small Gethsemane, I
came closer to my Savior. Throughout my whole mission I've had times to question
"Why me? What can I do? What did I do wrong?" As tears came down my
eyes, This Saturday night before Easter Sunday, I asked him just one more time,
but this time I heard his sweet voice say, "Don’t you want to be like
me?" I know that the trials and struggles and joys and everything
wonderful I passed through in this year and a half has been so that I can
become more like Christ. So that I can learn to use my agency to obey his will
and become more aligned with the Fathers will, so I can do things that the
Savior would do. So immediately my tears of sorrow become tears of gratitude,
gratitude for all the Father has given me! Especially his beloved son.
"How could the Father show the world of love and tenderness?" How
could he show me more love in this world then to send his only begotten son to
save me? I stand all amazed my the love the Savior has for me. I love him so much. I want to
be just like him. I may be the person with the most sins in the world, but I
can't imagine anyone else wanting to serve the Lord more than me. That's how I feel in my heart, everyday I woke up and wanted to be here and no where else.
Everyday I woke up and I was happy, everyday I Loved Him. I want to serve him
with all of my heart, might, mind and strength. My mission has brought more joy
in my life than anything else. This has been the happiest year and a half of my
entire life. I could not be happier. The most beautiful, sacred, special
moments of my life have come to pass in this beautiful country.
I have grown and changed so much. My heart has
been exchanged for a new one, I have passed through a refiners fire. Whether
from learning to carry someone who’s fainted, showering out of a bucket,
getting sick, trying new foods, learning about the Atonement, inviting others
to follow Jesus Christ or hearing his voice in my prayers; I have loved every
second. I am made new and I have still so much more to do.
I’ve never felt so complete and happy as I do now, looking back at
my mission and saying, I have done as the Father asked and looking forward to
say, there is so much more to be done.
I
invite you to come unto Christ. Hes' calling for you. He's calling your name! He
loves you. I know that he lives.
"Behold
I am Jesus Christ, Whom the Prophets testified shall come unto the world. And
behold I am the light and the life of the world... Arise and come forth unto
me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the
prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the
God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins
of the world." 3 Nephi 11: 10-14
Hermana Ellison
"Her
sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much." Luke 7: 40-47
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